Pag Kulang Ng Limang Piso Ang Pamasahe Mo Pauwi

Pag kulang ng limang piso ang pamasahe mo pauwi… eh pagsisisihan mo
kung bakit nag-yosi ka pa… tapos maalala mo ang mga ex mo… at ang mga
EXperience mo dati katulad ng mga sumusunod:

ex #1: The Lola's Boy

Tagpuan: Kodak sa may kanto

EXperience: First love, first date, walang pera, takas pa, kaya dapat
quickie lang, noong highschool, sossy ka pag nakita ka nila sa
Greenwich…kaya hindi na ako tumanggi dahil once in a blue moon lang
manlibre `tong ex kong ito… syempre first date, excited ako… 3 times
akong nagtootbrush, nagsabon ako gamit ang Heno de Pravia ni Inay, at
naligo ako ng pabango na binili ko sa Penshoppe (pinag-ipunan ko ito,
siguro 1 week kong pinigil ang cravings ko sa champoy at fishball).
Syempre proud na proud ako…biruin mo…todo japorms ako( eh sa market
place lang ang punta), Neon Green Undershirt and Jumper, naka
Skechers pa( mayayaman lang ang meron nito noong highschool), socks
ko Adidas kaso badtrip kasi hindi naman kita. Grabe ang ngiti niya ng
nagkita kami sa may Kodak, (hindi pwede sa bahay dahil bubugbugin ako
ng tatay ko) tapos lumapit siya sa akin… syempre expected ko na yun…
tinanong niya kung anong pabango ko… walanghiyahayopasyit syempre
proud ako…"Penshoppe yan" sabi ko…

"Ah, kasi pareho kayo ng amoy ng LOLA ko eh." Sabi niya.

Hindi na natuloy ang first date namin…umuwi na lang ako at iniregalo
ko sa Lola ko yung "Penshoppe" na pabango noong Christmas.

Moral Lesson: Mag-baby cologne na lang pag kasama si ex #1.

ex #2: The Ego-Crusher

Tagpuan: McDo, Barangka Drive

EXperience: Sa San Roque Church kami nagkakilala, at doon lang din
kami pwedeng magkita dahil kasama sa sampung utos ng tita ko
ang "Bawal ang Boypren". Magsimba daw ako (hindi talaga ako
nagsisimba, pero sige na nga)…syempre todo porma ulit, gamit ang
combined forces ng rexona roll-on at safeguard green medyo
kinalimutan ko muna ang paggamit ng Penshoppe na pabango, this time
natuto na rin akong gumamit ng mouthwash, medyo nagkahubog na rin ang
aking katawan kaya naisipan kong magsuot ng "fitted" shirt na binili
ko sa HerBench (medyo masama pa rin ang loob ko sa Penshoppe).

Hindi rin masyadong nakapagconcentrate sa misa dahil panay ang
patweetums niya sa harap (Sakristan siya), muntik pa ngang madulas
kasi hindi tumitingin sa dinadaanan…isip ko tuloy dahil ito sa
matinding powers ng "fitted" shirt ng HerBench…Pagkatapos ng misa,
nagyaya siya sa McDo…syempre libre kaya sumama ako, kasama din namin
yung bestfriend niya…nang umupo ako tumabi siya sa akin sabay sabi sa
bestfriend niya…

"Look, my baby has baby fats."

sabay himas sa tyan ko…
nagdilim ang paningin ko pagkatapos nun…
unti-unting kumilos ang kamao ko papunta sa mukha niya (parang matrix)
bumilis ang mga pangyayari at…
bigla ko siyang nasapak…
ayaw ko sa lahat eh yung tatawagin akong "baby" pero mas ayoko yung
pinagkalat pa niya yung tungkol sa baby fats ko… badtrip talaga!

Sorry na lang kung na-dislocate ko ang ilong mo.

Moral Lessons: Wag hihinga pag uupo sa McDo pag kasama si ex #2.
Wag ding magsusuot ng "fitted".

ex #3: The Confused

Tagpuan: Inside the Car

EXperience: First Monthsary, oo tama yan, naranasan ko rin yan dati.
Walang pambili ng regalo kaya't naisip ko na lang na magtakas ng
scented candles para kay lolo sa November. Dahil hindi siya kumakain
ng gulay ay naisipan kong yung "kalabasa" na lang ang kunin.
Pagkatapos ibigay ang "Mrs. Field's Cookies" sa akin eh ako naman
ang bumanat…

" Me too, I have something for you" pakikay ko. Sabay bigay sa
"kandilang kalabasa".

Tapos, tinignan niya with confusion ang kalabasa… sabay tanong…

What's this?

Gusto kong sumagot…gusto kong sabihing "kalabasa yan" pero kelangan
sossy… eh hindi ko maalala ang english ng kalabasa…naku pano na?
After 5 seconds of recalling what the heck is "kalabasa" in english
eh answered prayer ako…

"Squash" sabi ko with confidence…

"Um, hindi ba… PUMPKIN?" Tanong niya with confusion…

Ano ba yung pumpkin? Pagkain ba yun? Tanong ko

"Nevermind, let's go, saan mo gusto pumunta?" sabi niya

(Ng naalala ko na malapit na pala ang Halloween… eh naalala ko rin
kung ano ang pumpkin…)

Gusto ko sanang pumunta na lang sa Pluto na mga panahong iyon…

Moral Lessons: Hindi sossy ang "Squash"… dapat "Pumpkin".
Magpakatotoo ka, eat kalabasa!


ex #5: The Philosopher

Tagpuan: M1, Greenbelt

EXperience: After a movie marathon at pagkatapos magastusan ng
mahigit 200bucks para sa dalawang tall mocha frappuccino at magpacute
sa Starbucks eh we decided to go to M1, para magtingin ng mga bagong
CDs. Pumunta kami sa Jazz section…
"Eto yun, try this…" sabi ko (nagfefeeling na may alam ako sa jazz)

After hearing the record I asked…

"ok ba si Michael Babol?"

"Duh?!" "You mean… Michael Buble my dear" sabi niya…

After that dumerecho kami sa National Bookstore…Binilhan niya ako ng
Webster Dictionary.

Moral Lessons: Manood muna ng My Myx bago makipagdate kay ex #5.
Makinig kay Mam. Macaraig.


Kuto…hindi ako nagkaroon ng ex na kuto pero gusto ko lang I-share
kong ano ang nalaman ko tungkol sa kuto noong kasalukuyang nagsusunog
ako ng baga kina mommy (tambayan). Ayon kay Mark Brian Villanueva ay
may apat na stages bago ka maging kuto una rito ang kuyumad na kung
saan ay itlog ka pa lang…pangalawa ay ang kuyupi kung saan ikaw ay
napisa na, pangatlo ay ang lisa…also known as baby kuto, at KUTO kung
ikaw full blown kuto na talaga…


ex #4: The Assassin

Tagpuan: Walls, Intramuros

EXperience: Wala akong tulog dahil madaling araw na ako nakauwi
galing Malate. Naglasing dahil may nanlibre ng beer. Naku! May date
pala kami ni ex #4 sa walls…manonood kami ng mga lumilipad na golf
balls. Kaya ng naalimpungatan eh dali-daling nanligo…naku ubos na
pala ang shampoo… di sige wala ng oras…hindi na ako pwedeng lumabas
dahil nakabold na ako…nagsabon na lang ako ng Dr. Kaufman's Sulfur
soap… yun na rin ang ginawa kong shampoo. Dahil sa malagkit na buhok
ay nag-gel na lang ako…nanligo ng bago kong pabango at dumeretso sa
Walls…
Nandoon na siya…nagsorry ako…at
habang nagkwekwentuhan kami ay biglang…

"Ano to?…"
"Naku may kuyumad ka…"
"Dapat puksain…"

(parang assassin talaga kung tumiris)

Plok!…

"Ayan patay na…"
"Alam mo dati…marami akong kuto… pero simula noong gumamit ako ng
Shellgard namatay silang lahat…try mo epektib… satisfaction
guranteed… pwede mo namang ibalik kong hindi umubra within one week…
ano order na ba kita?"

Hanggang ngayon nag- eecho pa rin yung "Plok" sa utak ko…

Isa na lang ang naisip ko…
Naging maganda siguro kung naging kuto na lang ako…


Moral Lessons: Wag matulog sa Malate katabi ng naka dreadlocks.
Wag maglasing a day before makipagdate kay ex
#4.
Maligo ng tama.
Wag gamitin ang sabon sa paa as shampoo.
Puksain ang mga kuto with the help of ex #4.
Gumamit ng Shellgard: epektib, satisfaction
guaranteed at pwede mong ibalik kung hindi umubra within one week,
ano order na kita?

cheber lang ito

She’s a paradigm of inevitable manipulation. The obsession that kills me eventually. My subconscious. Her gaze sets goose bumps to my skin. She’s an epidemic that corrupts my system, and the antidote for my corrupted system. She’s my drug. The one that destroys my brain. She hypnotized me, and before I know it, I’m completely submissive. Her caress temporary pimples my skin and her scent causes contraction of connective tissues at the base of my hairs. Her kiss creates tension and mayhem. I’m deranged when I’m with her. And I liked it that way. She changed me. I don’t know if it made me better or it made me worse. And I don’t care. I loved her for no cause, and I don’t need one.

Diatabs

LBM is nirvana,

Extra heaven than ganja.

Every run towards the toilet,

Is a tremendous hydrite dream,

Flushed out.

my attempts to be a puwet

---

Pawiin ang uhaw
Tikman ang ulan
Ngumiwi sa hapdi
Ng galos nadampian
Pagpanaw ng buwan
Nanuot ang hamog
Tumagos sa laman
Tubusin ang aliw
Nasangla sa manhid
Mangumit ng lunas
Takasan ang sakit
Umidlip sa kawalan

Kumpisala

Patawad sa akin,
Nasayang na madalas
Kausap pader na lumutin
Dinaya aking diwa
Patawad sa akin
Ayaw papigil sa kadena
Patuloy na pagtulo ng dugo
Napupunit ang balat sa pagpiglas
Patawad sa akin
Pagpapaalipin sa pagkukunwari
Ayaw paawat, nakakasilaw
Ang araw sa labas ng rehas
Patawad sa akin
Matibay na paninindigan
Sa abo ng kasalanang
Nilayo ng amihan
Patawad sa aking
Walang katapusang
Pagpayag sa kasinungalingang
Nang-aaliw ng panandalian
Patawad sa akin
Ninakaw ang sandaling
Hindi na maibalik
Nawaldas ang kaligayahang
Kahapo’y umaapaw.

Piglas

Lunasan mapaghimagsik na pananabik
Sa paglipad ng kamalayang nasugatan
Dalhin sa walang hanggang kabaliwan
Tangan pa rin ang natapos
Nagpupumiglas sa pait
Nagpupumilit kumawala
Sa gapos ng kasalanan
Napakalupit ng ala-alang
Sumasakal sa puri
Ng isipang minsa’y nanahimik
Ikubli ang sakit
Wag hahayaang kumawala
Ang sugat ng pagkukunwari.

Supernova Leeches

Glow-in-the-dark plastic stellar
Were the only spectator
While a pauper deciphers a posh
In this four-cornered-chamber of clandestine

Dong Abay shouts from a red box
Deepening the goosebumps in the pauper’s nape,
Fertilizing butterfly in her guts,
While this posh held
The pauper’s face close to hers

Careful not to make any sound
For the knob was unlocked and
Any slight mistake can led to
Jeopardizing this…
Conspiracy to the society

Not to mention the school works left undone,
Because of exhaustion from traveling
From the other edge of the bed to another
And then another, and another

Polaris Explodes in this room,
The pauper never ever thought that she could see one,
She never ever thought that she could experience one.

Burn and Death

I never met Bern a dette.
A graduate student
Whose number got into my phonebook
Via intoxication from Red Horse.

She’s taking Malikhaing Pagsulat,
In the university I long to study.
Whose preference mirrors my characteristics:
Chubby, artistic and pretty. Pretty?

I sent a poem last night. Courtesy of unlimitxt.
She said I was good.
Giddily giggled without a sound,
In my bed and plywood room.

I never expected that she would
Appreciate.
I never expected that she would
Bother. Reply. Lie.

D****** Baboy

"This is my letter to the impotent vice-president of my former company (I will not post the name of the company until I get all my receivables) when a conflict arose between me and his favorite sales director."

Mr. Baldness,

I write in behalf of the Tycoons Division and our damsel-in-distress manager to put in plain words the case between Ms. Darla from the Cardinals Division and me. What happened to both of us is neither our fault. But I am baffled since I am new here, very fresh actually (less than three months) and I want to clarify some unfathomable doubts. (This will help me understand why we have to follow certain rules and then breaks it afterwards if we are not satisfied with the outcome.)

Mrs. M**** A***** A**** Kupal is, I think, my client with regards to the following criteria:

- She sent a message last November 2, 2006 asking me about the no downpayment, 0% interest payment scheme for a property readily transferable by next year. (From hereon, I assumed she doesn’t have a property consultant yet; please tell me if my interpretation is wrong.)

- She called me up after a minute to set an appointment. (I was very exultant then. I never expected that her mother, Mrs. Espiritu will refer me.)

- We met at the showroom. Then I offered the Garden Villas. (She doesn’t know McKinley Garden Villas. – This is an evidence that if she indeed has a property consultant [that is working- out with her], she should know about the latest projects and promos which unfortunately she doesn’t have any idea at all)

- She told me that she’s been to (my former company) before. But it was very long ago. So, I did what I have to do. I did the protocol. I asked her if she knows a property consultant here already. She replied with indecision “I can’t remember, that was very long ago.”

- I, being a newbie, asked some seniors around and our damsel-in-distress manager what I would have to do if the case is like this. They told me that it’s just two things: it’s either the property consultant resigned or the property consultant stopped working out on a certain client. They told me that Mrs. A**** Kupal is now my client. So I continue working out with this client. Every other day I send messages; I send a mail and update what (my former company) has to offer every now and then.

- Cocktails. November 28, 2006. Exactly 5:35p.m., Mrs. A**** Kupal called me. She apologized because she had confirmed to go to the cocktails to somebody she thought was ME. She told me that she doesn’t keep numbers in her phone and that she thought that it was me she confirmed with then suddenly she realized that it’s a different number. She asked me if it’s ok if she go to the cocktails and meet this person. I said yes. (Why would I say no to the client who asked me if she could go to the cocktails?) I decided to play it safe and not tell the client about the rules that was taught at the training and I thought that it will be more decent to settle this with the property consultant instead of explaining the vague “client-ownership-rules” in which I think would sound eerie to the client who doesn’t know anything about it, [please tell me again if what I did was wrong] (here is the situation- I was bedridden then because of anemia and I didn’t make it to the cocktails. I called Ms. Sagocio to explain the concerns to Ms. Darla.) Please ask Ms. Sagocio what exactly happened to their conversation.

I talked to Ms. Darla yesterday. She and I agreed that this is something beyond our wisdom and we have to consult this one to the higher people in (my former company). We decided to let our managers talk about this.

I talked to Mrs. W****** D****** Baboy in request by our damsel-in-distress manager. She told me that this should be settled between PC to PC (Property Consultant). And she told me that Ms. Darla and I should talk again. I told her that we agreed that we can’t decide since we have our own valid reasons and that we resorted to let our managers decide for us. She asked me what happened. I narrated my story. When I came to the part where Mrs. M**** A***** A**** Kupal called me up before the cocktails and told me about Ms. Darla inviting her, Mrs. W****** D****** Baboy told me with eureka that I should give back the client to its long ago property consultant from the time that I discover who it is.

(I did some researches and found out that there were cases like this before, like Mr. Joey de Leña’s case – Sir Joey de Lena is the property consultant of Mr. __________ and was tapped by a new PC from the Aces Division. They awarded the sales to the new PC at the Aces Division; this is one reason why I ask for some clarifications. Please do enlighten me why should we have different rules for different property consultants.)

Note: Mr. Joey de Leña is now currently under probation since he has a huge amount of deficit that’s needed to be produced until some time this year.

When I am about to explain Mr. Joey de Leña’s case and my predicaments, she requested to our damsel-in-distress manager that I’ll be sent out of the office. I retreated. Then they asked me to make a letter.

Here it is.

Please be informed that what I am doing is not only for my own benefit but for my colleagues as well as other property consultants. (For future reference; so that we know what we should do if a situation like this occurs again.) This may seem too much and some might oversee this as if I’m subversive. But I have values which I adhere. And one of these is equality no matter which division you are in.

I can’t help to be nihilistic about this one. Everybody is claiming that they are objective but it’s very obvious that they are bias to the divisions they belong. I do understand it. It’s bound to be like that (it’s human nature). It seems that all the people in the office have their own interpretations and notions. And we must hear from the higher authority which I believe will give just and understandable decisions.

As for me, I did my job. I followed the protocols. (I am very confident that) I never violated any of the rules.

From the moment I set foot on (my former company), I was taught that we should play according to the rules. I heard it from Mrs. Gorospe, from Mr. Baldness and last but not the least; I heard it from Mrs. D****** Baboy.

I’m just implementing what I learned.

Sincerely,

kawen

Cut to

Ang daming eksena sa utak ko. Nakabuo na ako ng shotlist. Cut to. Fade out. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataong madami akong kailangang gawin, ewan ko ba, ewan. Ilang oras pa kaya ang masasayang sa pagtunganga? Ilang araw pa kaya ako makikipagtitigan sa kompyuter?

Ang taba-taba ko na hindi ko pa rin mabuo-buo ang sequence treatment ko. Naka-ilang revisions na, gap 1 pa rin ako. Ni hindi ko alam kung bakit ito ang sinusulat ko, eh kailangan ko ng magsulat tungkol sa mga chichirya at mga gulay na naglalaban.

Matinding kalaban ang internet. Ito ang pangalawa sa matinding kaaway ng mga writers una syempre ang writer's block. google. yahoo. youtube. xtube. friendster. downelink. multiply. myspace. Matinding distraction talaga. Hanep.

------------------

Ext.MRT, North Ave.Dusk

"Ang taba mo grabe!" yan agad ang banat ni tsong ng nagkita kami. Oo nga. Pota, ang taba-taba ko na hindi pa rin tapos ang sequence treatment ko. Hanggang ngayon eh GAP 1 pa rin ako sa sinusulat kong kwento. Ni hindi ko na maintindihan, mukhang naghalo na nga ang balat sa tinalupan. Yung dating pinakbet assassins ko naging gulay rangers na at nahaluan pa ng mga chichirya monsters. Pag binabasa ko ulit ang kwento, parang pang adik na talaga.

Akala ko dati napakasimple ng gagawin ko. Yun bang tipong chicken feet talaga. Sabi ko sa sarili ko syet, i was born for this shit. Para sa akin talaga ang trabahong ito. Yun ang akala ko...

Cut to:

Ext.Giligan's Trinoma.Night

Ang daming buwan na ang nagdaan at nakita ko ulit ang mga ungas. Ang topic for that night pala: Welcome ceremony ng mga bagong single. Welcome to the clan. Tang inang mga to, kaya pala nag-aya ng inuman ay dahil nagluluksa sa unang beses ng pagiging single nila. Ang matindi sa mga ito, sobrang tagal na talaga ng mga relasyong pinakawalan nila, may umabot na ng dekada pero ganon daw yata talaga, may isa namang isinuko na ang lahat, tinanggap na nga niya kahit walang etits pero iniwan pa rin daw siyang parang tae.

Hay, kanya-kanya talaga. Meron namang bago pa lang eh nagbabanta na rin ng hiwalayan.

Teka, teka, teka,. Akala ko ba eh chill out ito?

Eh mukhang therapy at counseling ang nangyari. Nahaluan pa ng open forum at aminan kung sino daw ba ang mga pinagmambohan. Whatever that is.

Pag sina red horse, super dry at light na nga ang nakisali sa usapan, kung saan-saan na mapupunta.
Makakaabot ka sa mga bagay na akala mo tapos na. Pero wag ka, may book two pala.

Pag iniisip ko, parang nag-evolve na talaga ang problema ng mga tao. Kung dati eh thesis lang ang mga suicidal moments, ngayon hindi na talaga. Nag-evolve na rin ang usapang politika, trabaho at pag-ibig.
May hindi na nga ako naiintindihang balita.

Ewan ko, siguro hanggang ngayon eh nakakakulong pa rin ako sa apat na sulok ng utak ko. Yun bang wala akong pakialam sa inyo basta gagawin ko kung ano ang gusto ko. Isa lang ang buhay natin. Kaya wala na lang pakelamanan.

Pero mukhang lahat ngayon kailangan ko na lunukin yun. Iba pala. Hindi pwedeng hindi pwede. Naranasan ko na ang magpakaputa sa corporate na mundo. Pumasok araw-araw ng naka-long sleeves at leather shoes. Gumising ng maaga para sa pera.

Akala ko ok na ako ng ganon. Hanggang isang araw, nawalan ako ng boses. Inubo ako. At nilagnat. Hindi ko na kinayang pumasok.

Dahil wala naman akong ibang pwedeng gawin sa bahay kung magmasterbate at mag-internet eh pinili ko na lang yung huli para maging kapakinapakinabang naman ako sa mundo.

Napanuod ko ang first episode ng Bioman. Parang may kung anong kumislot sa puso ko. May sumundot sa utak ko. Nawalan ako ng hininga ng tatlong segundo at dun ko sinabi sa sarili ko, tang ina, tama na ang pagpapakaputang ito. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero, that's when I decided na tama na. Quit na. Hindi dahil sa hindi ko na kaya o give up na ako. Sa katunayan gusto akong isumpa ng magulang ko dahil sobrang katangahan daw ang ginawa ko. Kung kelan naman daw ako mapropromote na saka ko kinalasan. Ang tanga-tanga ko daw. Sobra.

Kung alam lang nila ang pakiramdam ko, para akong nagpakasal sa isang matandang mayamang madaling mamatay. Daig ko pa yung puta sa may Papa Boyet's Cabaret. Minsan iniisip ko nga, mas maswerte pa yata yung ibang puta, siguro gusto pa nila ang ginagawa nila pero ako kahit saang anggulo ako makipagtalik, olats talaga.

Wala akong anggal sa trabaho, sweldo, sa tao sa opisina, sa boss ko, sa lahat. Isa lang talaga ang rason ko - ayoko na.

At yun na nga,.

Cut to:

Int.ABS-CBN, Exec. Lounge.Day

Ayos. Ilan kaya kami? 2 Ateneo, 4 UP, 2 Adamson, 1 makata, 1 alien, at syempre 1 letranista. 11 lahat kami.

Hanggang pumunta ng states yung isa mag-aabay daw sa kasal, yung isa naman eh sumuko na, yung dalawa nag-aral muna, hanggang sa yung iba eh na-evict na.

Cut to:

Int.Astoria.Day

Ano ba ito? Tama pa ba itong ginagawa ko?

Sir, kelan ko po kaya malalaman kung tanggap po ako? May offer po kasi sa akin na work, kaso day job, 9am-5pm, Monday na daw po ang start ko, papunta daw po ako ng Bantayan Island, Cebu. Pwede ko po kaya malaman, kasi po, ayos din yung work dun sa isa?

Bumabaliktad ang sikmura ko ng tinanong ko ito. Pero, pakapalan na ng mukha. Baka kasi umaasa ako sa wala.

Tinanong muna niya ako kung alin ang mas gusto ko. Sabi ko, syempre, iyon.

Eto na,sinabi ko sa sarili ko, ayos lang kahit hindi matanggap. Eh ganon talaga. Ang importante malinaw. Baka mamaya hindi ko siputin yung isang trabaho tapos yun pala wala naman pala akong inaasahan dito.

Nung isang araw ka pa tanggap diba?

Parang natapos bigla ang bagyo sa puso ko ng narinig ko yun. Wow. Isa na akong certified brainstormer.

Lesson learned: Hindi masamang magtanong.

Cut to:

Ext.Giligan's Trinoma.Night

Tsong, alam mo ba kung bakit Trinoma? Para kasing hindi maganda pakinggan. Parang kung papapiliin ako kung saan ko mas gusto pumunta at hindi ko alam kung ano ang trinoma at 168 eh mas pipiliin ko pa ang 168.

Oo nga. Parang sakit sa mata. Myopia. Myoma.

Pero ang Trinoma daw ang pantapat ng Ayala sa MOA ni Sy. Sa katunayan, may balak yatang lagyan to ng IMAX.

Kung kay Sy ang Pasay, kay Ayala naman ang North Ave. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Ang mga burgis talaga, hanggang ngayon nagpapatalbugan, kung dati eh mga mga bukid at koprahan lang ang labanan, ngayon mga malls naman.

Isa pa, ang init-init sa Giligans, Trinoma. Yun ang matinding difference ng MOA at Trinoma. Iba ang hangin sa MOA, malamig. Malamang dahil ito sa Manila Bay. Or, iba lang talaga ang klima ng North at South. Purong lamig meron sa South, samantalang magkahalong lamig at init naman sa North.

At sa sounds panalo, kulang na lang babaeng nagsasayaw.

Hay buhay, basta ako... Robinsons Pioneer lang solve na ako. May sinehan, may Shakey's, Tokyo Tokyo, Kwek kwek, TOM's at National bookstore also known as National eyebolan. Kumpleto na ako. Kay Gokongwei pa rin ako.

Cut to:

Ext.Starbucks.Dawn

Usapang nakaraan, self defense mechanism at multo over coffee.

Siguro nga madaming multo sa ABS-CBN, ayon kay Bhugzey, eto ang mga lugar na dapat iwasang puntahang nag-iisa:

* 12th floor ng ELJ - nandon daw yung mga gamit ng mga namatay sa stampede sa Ultra.

* 15th floor ng ELJ - yun ang dating office ng CDG at may mga events daw talagang may nagpaparamdam doon.

Isa pa, ang mga urban legends sa parking, doppelgangers, at mga multong nakikitira daw sa bahay ni kuya.

Hindi ko alam kung mainit lang ba talaga ang panahon o talagang nagsesebo na ang katawan ko kaya init na init ako.

Kaya bilib ako sa dalawang umorder ng mainit na kape. Wow. Astig.
Yun na lang ang nasabi ko.

Naalala mo pa ba yung dati? Kay Laurel? Sa Economics? Yung nag-ring ang cellphone mo? Tapos sabi ni Laurel magpapaquiz daw siya pag walang umamin. Galit na kami nun sayo eh, kasi ikaw lang naman talaga ang may ganung ringtone. Tapos para magmukha kang hero, kunyari inako mo na lang, na ikaw na lang para wag na madamay ang buong klase? Eh cellphone mo naman talaga yun?!

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na talaga matandaan ito. Pero ang natatandaan ko eh yung pinepechay natin dati? Ano ngang pangalan nun? kay Laurel din yun eh. Sa Economics class. Nag-uunahan pa nga tayo para maging seatmate natin yun eh. Hehehe, memories.

Si Bleep Bleep. (for the sake na madami ang makakabasang letranista eh tatawagin ko siya sa alias na bleep bleep)

Oo! Si Bleep Bleep. Hanep yun. Ang talino nun ano? Psych major yun eh.

Kilala yun ni Bully. Syempre. Psych si ... (para maiwasan ko ma-bully eh puputulin ko na ang sentence na ito)

Cut to:

Manong Guard: Sir, may kaibigan po ba kayong nakaputi? Hilong-hilo na po kasi dun. Nagsusuka na.


Hay naku, classic nanaman ang eksena nitong si Nikki, mala- Lino Brocka. Parang nilapastangan ng sampung tibo. Parang na-gangbang ng mga sekyu.

Cut to:

Ext.Espana.Dawn

On the way sa Institusyon ng Makata:

Ano kaya ang pakiramdam ng mahigit 7 years na kayo, binigay mo naman lahat ng gusto niya, tinanggap mo na nga na wala siyang etits eh, pero biglang babay na dahil may bago na siya? Siguro parang tae nga. Yun bang sorry, ayoko na sayo, pero mamaya pag gusto ko na ulit eh babalikan kita. Grabe ang mga dilemma ng mga kaibigan ko, parang nakikipagpomyang sa tadhana.

Siguro nga ang sakit nun. Pero, sa ayaw at sa ayaw mo, eventually, makakarecover at makakarecover ka eh. Freaky nga lang dahil biglang one day, magigising ka na lang over ka na. Hala, ano na ang nangyari sa mga gubas statements mo na "siya lang talaga, kung hindi siya di bale na", "hindi ko na kayang umibig ulit, sobrang sakit kuya eddie",

Ilang beses ko rin sinabi to sa sarili ko dati, sabi ko, ayoko na magka-syota. Ayoko na talaga. Para nga akong pato. Kung hindi nyo na itatanong ang mga pato ay mahirap makarecover pag nawalan sila ng mate, minsan, hindi na talaga sila nakakarecover hanggang sa mamatay sila. Exactly the opposite ng mga rabbit, kung gaano kalibog ang mga kuneho, ganun naman kapihikan ang mga pato. (ito ay hango sa isang PETA magazine)

Don't get me wrong. Isa akong Freudian. Isang self-confessed-hentai. Pero, tang ina, kahit ganito ako, may pinipili talaga. Sa katunayan sa sobrang mapili ko, nawawalan ako ng kaibigan.

Isa na lang ang nasabi ko: Wag na lang panghinayangan ang mga matatagal na relasyon kung alam naman na wala na talaga... kasi mas madami pang panahon ang masasayang kung ipagpapatuloy pa.

Kung natatakot naman na baka wala ng mahanap na iba, eh ewan ko na lang... siguro lahat naman talaga dumadaan dito sa ganito. Ito ay isa sa mga bagay na hindi pwedeng hindi pwedeng pagdaanan.

Pero sa bawat relasyon na pinagdaanan ko, parang nagpapasalamat ako dahil nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataong makasama ang bawat isa sa kanila. Siguro, kung nag-stay ako sa isang relasyon ngayon dahil lang sa rason na sayang na ang pinagsamahan, may mga tao akong na-missed out sa buhay ko. At yun siguro ang panghihinayangan ko ng todo.

Pagbaba ko ng taxi naisip ko may dalawang aspetong kinatatakutan ang mga tao:

Una, ang mga multo, 12th flr ng ELJ building, Victor Wood sa senado at si Totoy Mola,

Pangalawa, pag-iisa at pamamaalam.

All Wounds Heal

Moving on is an involuntary thing. It’s exactly like not moving on.

No matter how much you try to forget something, you will never ever be able to forget it. It’s like the proverb “lahat ng bawal masarap”. It’s like everything that you tell your system not to do basically tend to be the virus that corrupts it. If you want to forget something badly you can’t just tell your brain, “hey brain cut it out” or your heart, “hey heart, please drop the subject”. You must learn that these two are the most stubborn constituents of your system.

♠♥♠

Everyday, I do this ritual of looking at my phone every once in a while. I tried to avoid this by putting my phone far away from me. But my involuntary muscles of consciousness always move me towards it. This, of course is more exhausting than keeping my phone besides me. And even before I realize that…

[now, I temporarily stop writing this because I’m so consumed by Ne-yo’s So Sick that’s playing on the radio besides me]

Ok, where are we?

[ok, wait… I just have to listen to this song by Sandwich, Walang Kadala-dala]

[I just turned off the radio.]

Where are we?

And even before I realize that what I was doing is no good for me…it’s too late.

I gamble whenever I pull the velvet case down to see if I have a message received. And often times I lose. Right now, I just went to see if I had received a message for the past five minutes. No message. This is pathetic. I’ve been doing this for weeks now.

Unlike other cliché lines of losers like me that goes “I don’t know what went wrong, it just went cold.” I know exactly what happened. And that what makes me feel so very bad. Lemony Snicket said that “Sometimes it is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit that you can do nothing.” Well I agree.

♠♥♠

The heart is an involuntary muscle. It keeps on pumping blood every second. You can’t stop it. And if it stops, you’re dead.

Not moving on is an involuntary thing. It keeps on bugging your consciousness every second. You can’t control it. The only way to make it stop is by killing yourself.

♠♥♠

But if not moving on is inevitable so as moving on. It’s a creepy thing that you’ll realize one day when you wake up. I said it’s creepy because it’s a scary emotion to feel. You will begin to think if you are still sane or you start to neurotically denying the pain which of course is one of the common symptoms of being insane. Imagine, after all the being so-sappy-stage that you’ve gone through and all the intoxications, now you woke up feeling nothing. Isn’t that creepy?

All wounds heal. Sometimes it scarred us so bad we learned so much from it. But keep in mind that every scar is a memento of our mistake. The next time it happens we know what to do and maybe we will still scar ourselves but it would be a little lesser this time. So no matter how much agony we feel, it’s always bound to end. Hey, it’s inevitable.

[I like that word – inevitable]

-Fin-

Unsent

There are lots of things I don’t like doing that I have to do. For instance, wearing leather shoes with heels. I don’t like this because it hurts my feet. But I have to. It’s a requirement for working in the corporate world. Just like not seeing you anymore. It’s a requirement for living under the society’s procedure.

I don’t believe that certain things would work out. Like having an affair with your classmate. Well maybe I adhere to this belief since you’re going to see your classmate everyday. And classrooms are chambers meant for studying and discussions of more important matters such as the Theory of Devolution or The Communist Manifesto rather than exercising Sigmund Freud’s Theory about human behavior and actions being based on one’s libido.

(I think this is insanely factual. You eat Bonita Burgers because you like to have sex. You drink eight glasses of water a day because you like to have sex. You study the postmodern narrative techniques in Charlie Kaufman’s Screenplays because you like to have sex. You watch Jewel in the Palace because you like to have sex. Analyze it, all you do in life will lead to the conclusion that you do these things because of one reason- You like to have sex.)

Also, I don’t believe that friends could be err,

WARNING: this next line is really sappy.

I don’t believe that friends could be more than friends.

I think this often happens because guys deny that they like the girl. It’s a part of their stupid strategy. They will start from befriending the girl and all her girlfriends and then eventually draft his tactics like Sun Tzu. And Voila! The girl who likes ponies rather than reading Sun Tzu and Jessica Zafra will gradually buy it. And bestfriends will be bestfriends with benefits.

I value friendship. Ok. If you happen to know me and you’re reading this, please let me first finish and hold your repetitive curse of “Die hypocrite”.

I am not a hypocrite. And that’s the reason why I lost a friend. Or maybe friends.

When things happen in your life, they happen so fast you don’t have time to decide. You’ll just realize that you shouldn’t do it when it’s too late and you’ll regret you did it.

And I don’t believe that after an affair, parties involve can sort things out and be friends again. This for me is beyond impossible. That’s it. Period.

∞

I will go straight to the point. I don’t want this to happen. I don’t want to be in this phase wherein we stop doing what we do everyday. It pains me. But I guess I just have to deal with it since I am not really sure if you still want me to bug you once in a while.

I’m not ok but I’m getting there.

Sometimes, I regret that we have to undergo this stage. Can we skip this and be friends? Or can we still be?

The only thing that I want to save from this mess is our friendship.

This is sincere.

Please, let’s stop this non-sense and move on.

I want you to call me again every night.

I want you to text me every minute of the day and make these stupid networks go kaput for sending us overpriced useless picture messages and crappy ringtones.

I want you to tell me how moronic I am for letting go certain job opportunities because I believe that no company should give anybody a salary that’s below minimum wage.

I want you to remind me to be humble and not shout at my trainer when he starts to go ballistic because I don’t know the process of blood circulation.

I missed you.

∞

I dislike accepting defeats. Like accepting that sometimes things I don’t like and contradicts my beliefs would happen to me. Like wearing leather shoes with heels. Like working in a corporate world. Like conforming to everything that would give me comfort and security in the future. Like having an affair with your classmate. Like having a friend with benefits. Like missing someone so bad you swallow your pride and text them.

Like having this post-affair-trauma I’ll say to myself I will never get myself involved again in these twisted, complicated kind of affairs. (But I’m sure I will again. Because I’m a masochist.)

But there is one thing I don’t believe could happen that I want to happen now.

Let’s forget all that happened. I know it’s beyond impossible. But there were lots of bullshit impossible things that had happened to me. Let’s give this one a try.

Let’s be friends.

The Vagina of Majayjay Falls

Friday night. He sent a message in friendster if she’s free the next day and if she wants to go to Majayjay. She agreed. She told him to wake her up by 2 am in able for her to prepare for the camp. He beeped her at 4 am. “I’m already here with Louie at Wendy’s Boni Ave., you said 4 am, how come you’re not here yet?” He asked. “Yah, I did agree with the 4 am call time but I told you to wake me up by 2 am for me to know that we’re really going and you’re not just pulling my leg, damn it.” She crammed. So when they’re in the bus going to Sta. Cruz, Laguna she realized that there were a lot of stuffs that she forgot. She forgot her towel, a blanket, a pair of socks (because she wears a pair of slippers), and other stuffs like soap, shampoo, and conditioner. It’s a long boring trip. Every once in a while he’s asking her ridiculous questions. He asked her who her boyfriend is right now. She just stared at the window ignoring him. Not because she doesn’t want to answer it but because she’s half-bored to death with this kind of icebreaker. “So, who’s the lucky guy?”, “Nakailang boyfriend ka na since hindi tayo nagkita?” “…two years din yun ah, ano na nangyari sayo, bakit di ka nagparamdam?” She wished she could tell him to shut up. Instead, she segued by asking him if there’s a girl in the camp. He grinned and asked her why. She knows what he’s thinking. She asked him if she could use his cellphone because she needed to text her friend from UP Los Baños, she needed to tell her that’s she’s going to be an accomplice whether she likes it or not. Her father should not know that she’s going to Majayjay with guys, no girls. If her father only knows.

The trail going to Majayjay falls was disappointing, she thought. She expected it to be more nature-like not human-made. It has been cemented so that it would be easier for tourists to get there.

That’s the first time that she ever saw a falls.

He held her hands and helped her to cross the other side of the river. They fixed the tent and put a hammock adjacent to it. Louie told them that he’s going to sleep in the hammock later. Nobody dared to ask why.

They went to the falls to test the water. It was ice-cold (literally not figuratively). Everybody agreed that it’s a bad idea to stay long in the water and they decided to go to the top of the falls instead.

It’s exhausting yet rewarding.

Climbing to the top of Majayjay falls without any equipment but roots from trees is like driving 150kph on a stormy day in Calabarzon without seatbelts donned. But seeing the top is like a Utopian dream and all the fear of heights was worth it. Louie started to shoot. He started to dive all around the area. She wanted to dive too but she was afraid of the current. She might find herself embarrassingly falling in the cliff like action stars. Much worse, she will never see this happening; she will die soon of heart attack before she even reaches the bottom. She just wandered around with Louie and looked for a nuno, but didn’t find any. Instead she saw a narrow body of water that connects a small body of water to the big falls. It was so beautiful and slippery. Nobody dared to lay a foot to it because the current is so strong. She told them that she will call it “The Vagina of Majayjay Falls.” He giggled like a six-grader who saw a porn flick for the first time. “What a kinky name”, he told her. “So, where’s the ovary?” He teased. He thought she was kidding. But she wasn’t. She wondered if the vagina is still a virgin. She wondered if anybody paid attention to it like she did. She wondered if she would be able to experience swimming on it despite the fact that she might get killed if she tried to do so. “So, why won’t you dive?” he asked her. “You know, diving is something that you shouldn’t hesitate doing. Whenever you’re in a good spot, you should not prepare to jump. Just jump. If you hesitate, you will find yourself backing out and regretting the lost opportunity of doing it” he added. “Ah, kinda like sex” she told herself. She thought that if given a chance to do it, nobody should hesitate or prepare whatsoever. Just jump. Just swim. Lost control in the current and experience the sudden bliss of being submissive to your raging hormones. If you hesitate, you will lose the opportunity of doing it and blame yourself forever.

But doing it without thinking or hesitating would probably lead to some regretful situations after and blaming yourself forever too. If you didn’t check the water first before swimming you might get HIV. It could seem like nothing’s wrong but remember that even doctors can’t detect an HIV-positive-person until on its sixth month. So you have to take precautions if you don’t want to be killed by the current. It might seem healthy but you’ll never know what’s underneath.

The falls is very cold. It could release your body heat and cure your obsession of doing “it”. But it could destroy you too. It could devour you entirely and drown yourself. Afterwards, you’ll regret that you did it. You just lost a friendship and you can’t forgive yourself and you will blame yourself forever.

☻☺☻

They cooked corned beef and grilled eggplants for dinner. He and Louie warmed themselves by drinking Matador brandy. She declined. She doesn’t want to find herself in terrible trouble if she got drunk with guys. She just boiled some ginger ale to warm herself with. They planned to make a bonfire that night but because of gas shortage, they decided to let the opportunity pass. They must save gas for the whole night for security purposes and not risk using it for a bonfire and get bitten by a cobra or some wild animal when they run out of fire.

She was sleeping when she felt that he embraced her. She didn’t refuse. But when she felt that he’s palpitating badly she got guilty. She left him hanging a couple of times before. She has her reasons and he respected those. Finally, she decided to give in halfway. She faced him and caressed his chest. He jumped without hesitations. Like diving. Just jump. Don’t think. After a couple of minutes he tried to enter her. She declined. Déjà vu. It happened before. He thought this time would be different. But it was not. It’s even worse from the last time. He tried doing it with her a couple times each ended with disappointment and devastation of stopping halfway. He asked her why. She’s old enough. He’s going to withdraw it. Why? Well, nothing really. She just doesn’t want to.

Finally he told her, “Kasi babae ang gusto mo! Ayun. Tama. Shit. Ang sakit ng ulo ko, ng puso ko, pati ng puson ko.” “Tama na nga ‘tong kalokohan na ‘to!” He angrily went out of the tent. As for her, she looked for her undergarments and tried to sleep with frozen feet and hands.

☻☺☻

That morning she went out of the tent and found him sitting in the hammock. He invited her to sit beside him. She asked him what he’s planning to do now. He was a fine arts student. He stopped. He then took nautical engineering afterwards. He stopped again. Now he’s 24 years old. “So, anong plano mo ngayon?” she asked. He answered her with silence. “Sa bagay, parehas tayo. Kahit ako, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ba talaga ang gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko.” She added. “Alam mo, hindi naman porket nakatapos ka, magiging successful ka na, ang dami dyan hindi tapos pero maganda ang takbo ng buhay nila, dapat lang talaga masaya ka sa ginagawa mo. Hindi yung nakikinig ka sa kung anu-anong dinidikta sayo ng mundo.” He pointed out. “Kung sabagay, pero minsan kasi kelangan mo kumumpromiso. Kasi kahit saang anggulo mo tignan, hindi ka rin magiging masaya kung yung gusto mo lang ang pagbabasehan mo. Madaming bagay sa mundo na punong-puno ng pagkumpromiso. Katulad na lang nyan. Sige lang. Madami kayong pera at hindi mo kelangang mag-aral at magtrabaho. Masaya ka sa ginagawa mo. Bundok dito. Swimming dun. Alak, yosi, doobie ka lang. Gym ka lang twice a week para ma-maintain yang mga pandesal mo dyan, tapos? Tingin mo masaya kaya ang nanay mo? Ngayon, kaya mo pa kayang maging masaya kung malungkot ang nanay mo sa mga pinaggagagawa mo sa buhay mo?” She said. Once again, he answered with silence.

Being happy is an ironically complicated thing. Sometimes you can’t be happy by doing what you want but by doing what you don’t want knowing that people you love so dearly would be happy if you do it.

☻☺☻

The terminal is near a gasoline station. When they were waiting for the jeep to be filled with passengers, she asked Louie what’s the difference of using diesel and unleaded. “Ano ba ang pinagkaiba ng diesel sa unleaded? Ung premium ba eh unleaded? Ano naman yung gas? Magkaiba ba yun? Anong oras kaya tayo makakarating sa Manila? She asked Louie. “Ewan, basta ang alam ko yung diesel ginagamit sa mga trak, yung unleaded sa mga kotse. Yung mileage nila halos parehas lang, depende na lang kung gaano kalaki ang makina ng sasakyan mo. Maganda yung sa Japan, charge na lang ang battery parang celpon, kaso ang hassle dun pag malayo ang pupuntahan mo kelangan may baon kang extra battery kasi walang chargan sa mga probinsya, sa city lang. Meron ngayon bago ah yung gas. Yun, mas matipid yun.” Louie answered. “Meron din tubig na lang diba? Yun ang siguradong matipid. Eh, diba kelangan mo pa magpa-convert nun kung gusto mo naka-gas ang kotse mo? Beinte mil din yun ah.” She continued. “Oo, kaso matipid yun. Kaya madami ang nagpapaconvert. Tignan mo, magkano na ang unleaded ngayon, kwarenta’y sinko na, samantalang kung mag-gagas ka, beinte tres lang yan kada litro. Halos kalahati din yun. Laki ng matitipid mo. Tapos yung matitipid mo, pang-burol mo yun pag nasabugan ka ng gas.” Louie concluded.

☻☺☻

Sunday. 10 pm. It’s raining hard when the bus stopped at Guadalupe. Again, the trip was boring like hell. They said goodbye casually to each other. She’s up to the next bus stop- Boni Avenue. As she got out of the bus she asked herself if she will see him again. If ever, she will look forward to that day. What would he be after another two years?

She slept soundly that night. She doesn’t want to wake up the next morning knowing that when she does, she’ll be facing again so many fears and confusions that temporarily forgotten under Majayjay’s orgasm.

Disclaimer: This is a fiction you moron.