All Wounds Heal

Moving on is an involuntary thing. It’s exactly like not moving on.

No matter how much you try to forget something, you will never ever be able to forget it. It’s like the proverb “lahat ng bawal masarap”. It’s like everything that you tell your system not to do basically tend to be the virus that corrupts it. If you want to forget something badly you can’t just tell your brain, “hey brain cut it out” or your heart, “hey heart, please drop the subject”. You must learn that these two are the most stubborn constituents of your system.

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Everyday, I do this ritual of looking at my phone every once in a while. I tried to avoid this by putting my phone far away from me. But my involuntary muscles of consciousness always move me towards it. This, of course is more exhausting than keeping my phone besides me. And even before I realize that…

[now, I temporarily stop writing this because I’m so consumed by Ne-yo’s So Sick that’s playing on the radio besides me]

Ok, where are we?

[ok, wait… I just have to listen to this song by Sandwich, Walang Kadala-dala]

[I just turned off the radio.]

Where are we?

And even before I realize that what I was doing is no good for me…it’s too late.

I gamble whenever I pull the velvet case down to see if I have a message received. And often times I lose. Right now, I just went to see if I had received a message for the past five minutes. No message. This is pathetic. I’ve been doing this for weeks now.

Unlike other cliché lines of losers like me that goes “I don’t know what went wrong, it just went cold.” I know exactly what happened. And that what makes me feel so very bad. Lemony Snicket said that “Sometimes it is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit that you can do nothing.” Well I agree.

♠♥♠

The heart is an involuntary muscle. It keeps on pumping blood every second. You can’t stop it. And if it stops, you’re dead.

Not moving on is an involuntary thing. It keeps on bugging your consciousness every second. You can’t control it. The only way to make it stop is by killing yourself.

♠♥♠

But if not moving on is inevitable so as moving on. It’s a creepy thing that you’ll realize one day when you wake up. I said it’s creepy because it’s a scary emotion to feel. You will begin to think if you are still sane or you start to neurotically denying the pain which of course is one of the common symptoms of being insane. Imagine, after all the being so-sappy-stage that you’ve gone through and all the intoxications, now you woke up feeling nothing. Isn’t that creepy?

All wounds heal. Sometimes it scarred us so bad we learned so much from it. But keep in mind that every scar is a memento of our mistake. The next time it happens we know what to do and maybe we will still scar ourselves but it would be a little lesser this time. So no matter how much agony we feel, it’s always bound to end. Hey, it’s inevitable.

[I like that word – inevitable]

-Fin-